Being Serendipitous

Thoughts on LOVE vs FEAR!

     What do you do when you are a thinker? When all you do is think and all you want to do is think to learn the whys and the hows of the world?  When you search for answers that no one wants to give you? Or the answers they give don’t jive with your mind?

Hi, I am Stevie, and I have defined myself as a LOVE sharer.  I do many things and the common denominator in all of them is LOVE! My love for the thing or the love I can share doesn’t even matter actually.  And not in the sexual context, as I write this I am seeing how that could quickly be misconstrued!  What I mean is that I want to do, create, and be a part of things that make the world a better place! This all starts with LOVE! 

I have learned that there are two places or schools of thought that every emotion boils down to FEAR or LOVE.  If you think about it and do the research that I have, every emotion can be traced back to the ROOT of either fear or LOVE.  

We live in a fear-based society!  Everything is measured in competition, outside perceptions, and mind fuckery from generations ago!  Some of us are just fine with it and will continue, yet there are man many people like me who are not and have begun a journey to discover something different.  

In my own experiences, I could see patterns that made me feel bad about myself even though all I did was try to be a good person.  The harder I tried to be “good” the more unhappy I became, which led me to my own personal conclusion,  that I was living my life for everyone else and not for ME!  Which hit hard and caused breakdowns of many kinds.  

So because I am a thinker and I want to know the why and the how, I am in constant motion of research, connection, and conversations.  I truly and deeply want and need to know what others think from their own experiences!   I feel like I have been asleep for the last several decades and now my eyes are opening up to a beautiful and magical world that I once thought was scary, dark, and hard!

When many of us were growing up we were taught that we had to work HARD to make money. That we had to have a defined path to be WORTHY or amount to anything.  We had to find a man who checked the boxes so we would be SAFE and cared for! 

 ALL total and complete BULLSHIT!

I posed this question to my son one day, “ think of one thing right now, and then tell me where and when you thought of it?”, he could not think of a single original thought of his own, he realized at that moment that every thought he had thought, believed, or valued had come from someone else!  His mind was blown as was mine when I was asked the same question!

How do we get this far in life without having a single original thought of our own?  How did we make choices and decisions based on some else thoughts and opinions and think we would end up in bliss? 

 BECAUSE we didn’t know any differently AND it threatened our belonging! 

Human innate and primal desire is to have a connection and belong somewhere or to something, yet at what cost?

Sometimes I feel like a crazy person as my mind spins looking for answers and solutions to age-old questions. As well as when I am wanting to make effective and sustainable changes in my life in the pursuit of happiness.  It doesn’t help when the world around you thinks you are crazy too! But it is not crazy to desire joy and happiness in your life, what is crazy is that you are expected to find it the same way as everyone else!  Going against the “norm” is viewed as crazy because it is different and UNKNOWN! We want certainty, we want predictability, we want a plan, somehow that makes us feel safe. Maybe so…but what are you sacrificing in the process? Your views, your values your voice? It’s sometimes hard to look at things this way so most of us don’t, not until we are forced to!

Here is when most people quit and fold or show their cards, not me I choose to keep going!  I was asked the question early on as to why I needed to know the why and the how.  I didn’t have a good answer at the time other than that I just did! It was like something deep inside gnawing at me to find the truth! Lo and behold it was not THE truth I was searching for, it was MY truth!

Now I can answer it with more clarity because of the journey I have chosen.  I want and need to know because that fulfills me!  It serves a need that was unmet five-plus decades ago. And it helps me to make some sense of a world that lives in fear rather than love.  I have learned that the human race is scared to take that hard look in the mirror at themselves and ask the same questions.  Most of us do not want to know the answers because of the fear that we did something wrong along the way.  Then we will need to hold that accountability and can no longer play the blame game!  BIG ICK! That is gross to think about, so we stop in our tracks and resume life as we know it happy or not. Just good enough! Who are we to want more? 

We encounter missed opportunities,  chances not taken, and forgo things that are too risky, because they will take us out of our familiar and dysfunctional patterns.  We won’t belong anywhere! Yet the entire time we have lost connection with the most important person in our lives! Ourselves!

The serious mind fuckery is that we belong exactly where we are in each moment, and have the choice, the true innate choice to live it! Yet we never think we have a choice because of the fear and how it will impact those around us always forgetting how it will impact us! And we judge all of it, which can be a whole other piece. 

So what if all this thinking and figuring out the why and the how came from a place of LOVE?

Sit back and think of one thing you wanted but didn’t do because of fear.  Fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, fear of not being good enough, smart enough, or even pretty enough.  Think of all the missed opportunities on the other side of that fear.  

It is hard to fathom without spinning into a cycle of poor me, I know I’ve been there! So the mystery has been solved, come from a place of LOVE, do the things that scare the crap out of you, and think your OWN thoughts!  We all know the moment when we share something with people close to us and the millisecond of disagreement that then sways our original thought, don’t do that! Smile, accept their feedback, and move forward!

This is a stepping stone on the journey!  You have the choices and the willingness to pave your own way and as you do things will change, fall away, and bloom!  One dark truth that I learned along the way goes back to my mother’s words when I was young, “YOU are your own worst enemy”! At the time, it meant to me that I was harder on myself than anyone else, which served me well for many years in my accomplishments.  Now it no longer serves me, so I am letting it go! I don’t need to be hard on myself! I need to be in love with all that is around me!  And if there is something I want to love that does not love me back, I get to choose differently without losing myself or threatening my belonging. Ultimately, we only need to belong to ourselves and keep that commitment!  

Pay attention to your thoughts and where they came from, give yourself the space to choose different ones, and live in LOVE!  Not one thing in the history of the world that was good came from FEAR!